THE CONVERSATION ENDER - "WHAT DO YOU DO?"

I'm a single guy and I can't tell you the amount of times I've been in a bar or a club and talking to some girl, it's all going well and then she asks the dreaded question... so what do you do? 

What do you say?  Tell her the truth?  "I am an accoutant"... BOOM, conversation over!!  Maybe not straight away but you've struck the mortal blow... believe me, I've tried. 

Or do you try and be half honest and say something lame like "I work in finance", or the sexier version "I work in commercial finance", hoping that she's getting images of some slick Christian Bale type investment banker (minus the blood) in her head instead of a tight ass bean counter! 

JAGERBOMBS - AN ACCOUNTANTS BEST FRIEND

I work for a big consumer goods company in customer finance.  We were all working our ass off, really stressful week because we had a huge meeting coming up that evening with the whole Exec team.  It was one of those weeks where you work crazy hours to get it over the line and by the end, we were all running on empty but the presentation was really coming togehter.  And then, 30 min before we were due to go in, the meeting got cancelled.  Talk about anti-climax. 

We'd planned a big night out that night so quick shift of gears and we were in the pub with a table full of drinks.  Then I got a text from my boss at about 10pm that night saying that the meeting got moved to the next morning... cross-roads!! 

ARE ACCOUNTANTS UGLY?

Are accountants uglier than normal people?  If you listen to the stereotypes, this is your average accountant:

Just a stereotype?  I've worked in finance in lots of different companies and there's definitely some stunning looking accountants out there but sometimes you're in a meeting, you look around and you think "yep, I get where the sterotype is coming from!". 

THE FIRST STEP IS ACCPETING YOU HAVE A PROBLEM

Even in this day and age, some people still won't admit they have a problem...

ENTHUSIASTIC FIRST YEARS

I'm working in audit in the big 4 and a few months back, the new batch of first years arrived in straight out of college, all enthusiastic and trying to make a good first impression.  Fair enough, we've all been there and I was trying not to be too cycnical about the whole thing but I'm out at a client with a few of the guys, it's a Tuesday morning and we've been there a week already so everyone's a little jaded, and one of the new first years comes out for his first job and drags in this massive suitcase.  And I mean this thing is literally bulging, it's the sort of thing you'd take to the airport if you're permanetly leaving the country!

"Eh.... what's with the suitcase?" and he kind of looks at me and says "Well I wasn't sure what to bring so....".

HOW TO FIX THAT SHIT SYSTEM

Every accountant should have a 3 wood stashed under their desk.  I'd love to see a poll of the shitest finance systems out there, I'd certainly have a couple to add to the list!

ETHICAL DILEMMA - DO I COME CLEAN

I'm a management accountant and every year-end we have to send in this big formal report on our companies performance to the global guys.  Real pain in the ass to complete but one of those things you have to do.

Anyway, few months ago we had our year end and it was horrendous as always but got the damn thing in on time.  But then, a few weeks after I was looking through it and randomly looked at the stock numbers (which is a huge thing for our business and basically everyone all the way up the chain looks at) and realised that it was all, completely wrong.... SHIIITTT!!  This thing was very very high profile and I was having flashes of my boss with my head on a skewer!

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT

I'm a senior finance manager in a fairly big, successful company.  I'm only about a year and a half out of my training contract in practice so it's a really good role and fantastic pay.  But the interview was hilarious and depressingly familiar. 

My potential boss starts talking about all the financial systems they use, TM1, SAP, etc. etc.  I, of course have never used any of them in practice but I sure don't tell her that.  The one good thing I did learn in audit is it's all about sounding like you know what you're talking about and the best way of doing that is saying as little as possible. 

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